With every post I would reiterate that my blog is geared to empowering single mothers and coupled/married mothers to pursue that dream that's building within them. Along with my see through soul and journey with my writing... all the things I'm doing and aiming to become as a single mom, I decided to seek out other mothers (single or not) who are doing just that, and I've found Terryl DeMendonca... Hope the interview inspires you and gives you the confidence to recognize that you are not alone in the struggles, but can make your dreams come true. Enjoy the interview.
To learn more about Terryl, please visit her at www.misunderstoodyouth.org and www.terrylebony.com
1)Hi Terryl, welcome to my blog. Can you share with my readers a little about yourself?[Terryl De Mendonca] My name is Terryl Ebony De Mendonca and I am the single mother of a 14 year old young man named Devon. And I have been a single mom for all of his life.
2) What were your expectations of raising a child as a single mother? [Terryl De Mendonca] From the time I had him at the age of 19, I knew I was young yes, but wanted to grow with him. I knew that it would be challenging but I also knew I was not going to be a statistic. I have had to quit jobs, get fired from jobs which lead me to create my own entrepreneur opportunities so that I could have a steady income. I was very determined to do whatever was necessary to give him a life better than the one I had. I introduced him to activities such as swimming and piano at the age of 5. At the age of 7, he lived in a house and had a backyard to play in. These things and more are all the things that I knew I wanted for my child and no one obstacle would
stand in my way.
3) On your journey as a single mom, what would you say was your happiest of moments thus far?[Terryl De Mendonca] Every positive step my son takes towards becoming a well rounded young man leaves me overjoyed (each graduation, every new word used in a correct sentence, every defining aspect of his maturation, every time HE sets a goal and achieves it, etc)
4) In adverse, what was or are your worst moment(s)?[Terryl De Mendonca] There are two. The first would be, the years of seeing the heartbreak in his eyes because he is missing and wanting his father’s love, attention and acceptance. The second would be, when I know he is not living up to his full potential (i.e.: not doing homework, therefore receiving a low mark on his report)
5) You’ve mentioned that you ventured into your own entrepreneur ventures. And I understand that you have founded The Misunderstood Youth Development Center. Can you share with my readers what it is all about? [Terryl De Mendonca] Well, as I mentioned before, my son is a product of a split family. He has been subjected to so many life changes (changes in parental structure, schools, towns, friends, etc.). He didn’t adapt to change very well. He got angry and distant and it started to affect his schoolwork and our relationship. Although he shared a good communicable relationship with his mother, it wasn’t enough. His communication with his father was very minimal. He needed to talk to someone and needed to know that he wasn’t the only child experiencing these things and going through these changes. Devon is my son.
It was when he got suspended from school and his grades dropped drastically that I was at my wits end. The schools wanted to place him in a “special ED” program. His father remained around but mostly inactive and inconsistent so he didn’t understand Devon and the importance of consistency in a child’s life. Every child is different and I found that counseling was able to help Devon put things into perspective. He still has a hard time with change but now he has a better chance of dealing with it with positive results. Devon became more focused and started to improve in school and at home. We also got him involved in different activities which also became a very critical part of his positive behavior. Although he is doing better,everyday is a battle.
Through my experiences, I was able to take a look around and realize that there are so many other children like Devon that are “misunderstood”. Children need encouragement, a neutral voice of reason, a place of comfort and guidance, activities and academic support. After a little research, I realized that counseling and peer group sessions for youth is not easily available or widely known throughout the five boroughs of New York (especially minorities and the underprivileged). So in 2005 I formed The Misunderstood Youth Development Center (MYDC) with a mission to help understand, develop and stimulate the minds of our youth.
6)What is the core purpose of MYDC?[Terryl De Mendonca] MYDC’s core purpose is to open up the lines of communication for youth, helping them acquire a better understanding of life and people. Therefore, they are able to cope with the various trials and tribulations life often throws their way, positively and productively. MYDC serves youth ages 5-24. Most of these children are exposed to various confusing and difficult life altering experiences. So, we are there to provide the necessary guidance and leadership qualities so they can make positive decisions while succeeding in life as they head to junior high school, high school, college, the work world and family/social life.
7) What positive feedback, from your exeperience, can you share with single mothers, who may be reading my blog, to follow their dreams?[Terryl De Mendonca] Honestly, I didn't know this was my dream. My dream found me (smile). I had a child who had an issue and I figured that if he had that issue so did others. I didn't feel it was right for kids to feel that uncomfortable expressing themselves and having to bottle it up inside,
then when released it would come out in a very negative way -- which again, is why MYDC was formed. This has become my mission and although fulfilling my dream is still in the making, I am well on my way. I am writing a book called, Losing Love, Having Faith & Finding Hope, with a message to encourage parents. I also have an online radio show, "Living in Reality with Terryl Ebony" to encourage parents and families. The success of all these endeavors will lead to my dreams coming true.
So to all you single mothers out there, the road is often long and bumpy but don't give up. You may have to do some things that you may not want to, to keep your child on course. Don't feel guilty; it's called tough love. They
WILL need it! Keep your child in activities that will constantly stimulate their mind and have them surrounded by positive things and people.
As far as your personal dreams and aspirations,
DON'T FORGET ABOUT IT! Forgetting your dreams is like giving up on yourself and you simply can't do that. You may have to table it for a while or take it slow depending on your circumstances but your dreams should never be forgotten. You can't make your child happy unless you too are happy. When they see you moving with full force, it will encourage them to do the same. If you give up, how can you teach and tell them to press on. That would be hypocritical.
You should surround yourself with positive people and positive energy. It is very therapeutic for your emotional state, which will lead to your physical state.
DO NOT SETTLE. Settling is not an option. Whatever you want to be, do the research and you start your journey! Don't think it will be an easy road because it won't and at times you may want to give up but you can't. Why? Because giving up is not an option either! You deserve to have your dreams come true just as much as any one else. But you have to put in the work to make it happen.
And last but definitely not least,
PRAY ON IT!
8) What encourages you daily? [Terryl De Mendonca] There are many answers to this question.
1. Seeing how my son mimics my professional ambitions.
2. Knowing that I have the ability to affect positive changes in someone's life.
3. Seeing how many people look to me for inspiration and advice.
4. Knowing that when the kids in my program see me, they smile; they have something to look forward to and someone to look up to.
9) Where do you see yourself 5 -10 years from now?[Terryl De Mendonca] 1. Right now I hold programs out of school buildings. In those years allotted, I intend to have a building secured for children to and receive the guidance that they don't receive at home or to enhance what they already have.
2. I plan to be a published author and motivational speaker for parents, families and youth.
3. I would like to produce a televised youth program for kids to speak out and be heard.
4. I would like to host or co-host a televised or radio show stemmed from my current online radio show "Living in Reality with Terryl Ebony".
5. Last but not least, a proud parent of a college grad!
10) If given the chance, what would you change in your journey as a single mother?[Terryl De Mendonca] This is a hard question for me to answer only because sometimes the truth hurts and it's even harder for others to digest. But, anyone who knows me knows that I am a brutally honest person :). So, if I could change anything as a single mother it would be not to allow my son's father to come and go out of my son's life as he saw fit. Although it was told to me years ago, I didn't see it because I figured seeing him sometimes would be better than not seeing him at all. But it was actually the opposite because every time he saw him, he got his hopes up that he would finally stick around and of course that didn't happen. So everyone closely connected to my son had to deal with his disappointment and the way he displayed it. So I now realize that the revolving door parent hurts the child more than the parent that the child never knows. So, his father would have to choose,
PERMANENT in or permanently OUT?!?!
11) As a wind down question, as a single mother, what is your ideal dream vacation? :)[Terryl De Mendonca] Well this is easy, a cruise with the man of my dreams. :)
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